2013 - The Men, The Moet and The Moments We Will Remember Forever

As 2013 rolls to an end I would like to say on behalf of all the Queens how honoured we are to have been able to share this incredible year with you. Adopting this little piece of cyber space in February and dubbing it Heaven on Bourke was one of  the best decisions I have ever made, it almost makes up for all of the bad choices in between....almost. 

Reflecting back on 2013 sure there were a lot of men things we could have done differently but I guess thats what makes our experiences all the more enjoyable for you to read. 

Collectively between all four Queens we managed:

• Nine jobs
• Two promotions 
• One million failed relationships

We dated:

• A drummer
• A Bulldogs football player
• A stoner
• A property developer
• A celebrity
• A sailor
• A multi-millionare
• An electrician
• A school teacher

Some of the stand out one liners included:

• I'm not a whore I'm just whorney
• Have you ever grown your public hair so long that it hurts?
• There's Scott-to be a change!
• No answer is your answer

First experiences included:

• The first vibrator
• Meeting that guy of Modern Family
• The first event attended on behalf of Heaven on Bourke
• The first period in over 2 years (look after your bodies girls)
• The first mini vacation away with a man
• The first time dating a guy with a kid
• The first time trying black pudding
• The first time spewing up black pudding
• The first unsuccessful threesome

Shit. We actually did a lot this year. To celebrate a whole lot of dating and a whole lot of first time experiences lets have a class of Moet and Chandon shall we? To the year that was the dawn of The Dirthouse...

Cheers!

And of course I would like to extend a big thank you to all of the mystery men who featured in the blog this year. Unfortunately we decided that none of you were the one (not because you stopped replying to our texts or anything) and we wish you the best of luck in the future.

On a slightly sad note I have to inform you that one of the Queens is leaving The Dirthouse. Queen K (far left in the picture below) who has become very dear to all of us is leaving to travel the world and dance on fabulous cruise ships. Although I am incredibly sad to see her leave I am looking forward to seeing her name up in lights. 

And then there were three. But not for long...

In 2014 a new Queen will be crowned and take her place in The Dirthouse. Not only is she gorgeous but she's a smart cookie with a very cheeky side indeed. Her name...

Queen P.

So they say 2014 is going to be a tame one? Well, with 4 wild single girls living all living under the dilapidated Dirthouse roof I find that very, very hard to believe. 

Happy New Year everyone!

Love,

Queen D

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Mr.R & A Marvelous Homecoming

My mother had a psychic reading at the beginning of the year. The woman told her that she'd fall in love in September, my grandma would die at the end of the year and a man would sweep me off my feet and show me the finer things in life. When she first told me this in February I laughed. My mum was happy being single, my gran was in good health and the men in my life were only good for one thing...a temporary mind fuck. 

It is now the 28th of December and I couldn't have been more wrong. My mother did fall in love in September with a man who couldn't be more perfect for her. My grandmother passed away last week from a sudden illness and as of this very moment there is a man in my life who is offering me the world.

 I met Mr.R at a friend of a friend of an acquaintance's new years eve party, held in a scrumptious Pitt street penthouse apartment. The lift took us so high that I thought the clouds were parting and letting us into the gates of heaven. The whole floor was made of glass and the 360 degree views of the city made me slightly woozy. The Queens and I disguised ourselves as well mannered, well spoken girls. Little did this room full of investment bankers and property developers know that we were as wasted as the inside of the hostess's nose. 

"Please don't do coke in the bathroom" read a handmade cross stitch pattern located neatly in the corner of the marble vanity. Why I had no intention but by the looks of it a few people had already violated the polite request. After what seemed like an eternity I finished peeing and pulled up my Bordelle g-string (only on special occasions like NYE). As i walked out of the bathroom there he was towering above me wearing expensive threads and a wide beaming smile. How typical of me to meet someone in a stranger's loo. 

That was almost a year ago now, however I only got to see him twice before he went away. For seven months of this year his travels took him all over the world from South America to LA. One meditation retreat after another. As you all know my life back in Sydney was far from Zen, as soon as Mr. R left, Bill the reality tv star and healthy chef sauteed into my life cooking up one shit storm after another. 

But Mr. R is back, which makes me think that the little old fortune teller wasn't exactly full of shit. 

On my last night in Sydney i decided to catch an Uber to Mr. R's place in Bondi. Although Uber hasn't always been 100% reliable (that one time I was stranded in Manly and it couldn't locate my pickup destination fucking A) I think it's pretty cool how they are always urging you to try their more luxurious car services...for FREE! How could I say no to that?

While I was on my way to his apartment Mr. R who also fancies himself as a bit of a healthy chef was cooking an amazing meal for my last night in the big smoke. Baked wild fish anyone?

In the last few weeks Mr. R and I had gotten a lot closer and it was safe to say that I was going to miss him and the very beautiful Bondi Beach a lot.

He drove me to the airport and although it was a little sad to say goodbye to him and my beloved Bourke St as soon as my plane took off all of my worries about leaving Sydney slowly slipped away.

So here I am for the next couple of months, kicking it by the sea. Although the Dirthouse Queens have dispersed all over Australia to be with their families over the Christmas period, I will be seeing them very soon to bring in the new year. For now I have been reunited with the gorgeous gals who started it all and what better way to celebrate my homecoming than with a bottle of bubbly at the beautiful Sunshine Beach.

As per usual I got very very intoxicated and ended up running into a couple of ex boyfriends, a handful of family friends and a really hot school teacher I had in year 11. The next day Rach and I decided to hit the beach. Even in peak holiday season the locals know where to go to soak up the sun in relative peace and quiet.

However Mr. R wasn't far from my mind. Lucky for me when I got home these beautiful pink roses were waiting for me. Good news lovers, Mr.R is coming to see me in Noosa in the new year! He wants to teach me how to meditate (quiet my mind - ha good luck to him) and I have promised to show him the best parts of this wonderful place I call home. 

Isn't it funny, as soon as you allow one chapter to end another one starts. Sending light and love to all of you beautiful people over the holiday season. May all of your summer flings be long lived and super saucy.

;)

Merry Christmas Lovers Xxx

For all of you last minute shoppers like myself here are the last 6 days of Christmas...

7. If you're looking for something slightly more intense than the Iroha range -

Form 2 & 3 by Jimmy Jane

8. Or a little more luxurious than the Kissing Swan -

Soraya by Lelo

9. Now that you've got your Tiani 2, spoil him even more with the -

LX4 by LUX

10. Or give your BFF the perfect travel companion this Christmas with - 

Mia by Lelo

11. And of course how about something for the girl who has EVERYTHING -

The Stronic Eins by Fun Factory

                                     

Where can you purchase all of the goods I have featured in the 12 Days of Christmas DH Edition?

Honey Birdette of course, the ultimate toy store for adults.

But what about number 12? What happened on the 12th day of Christmas? Well gather around children. Because on the 12th day of christmas my true love gave to me...

None other than the gift of love and intimacy.  

Nawwww. I'm just a big softy after all. So this Christmas make sure that you not only give your loved one the gift of unlimited mind blowing orgasms but you tell them how much you love them. After all isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Merry Christmas to all and to all a very sexy and cheeky goodnight ;)