Sunday Sessions

Sunday for many mere mortals is the day of leisure and relaxation but for a career girl Sunday marks the day when you 'get shit done' in your personal life.

I awoke this morning feeling a little less hung over than yesterday, the only thing that stopped me from going back to sleep was the mountain of dirty clothes beside my bed threatening to tip over and suffocate me at any moment. 

After a quick shower I searched my room for a pair of clean underwear, the only thing that would suffice was a pair of knickers that said daddy$ rich across the bum and an old fluro pink Lulu Lemon sports bra. When you work in the lingerie business this is not a good sign. 

I put the underwear and spots bra on with a pair of ugg boots and headed downstairs to the laundry. I put a wash bag of lingerie, trench coat and work dresses on a delicate cycle and hit the girls up for a coffee run.

We all headed to Kepos St Kitchen for our morning lattes and watched the hipsters inhale their poached eggs while we waited for the barista to work his magic. 

Caffine tick.

Back at the Dirthouse I scanned over my agenda for the following week, Ms B painted her nails, Ms L went back to her boudoir for a few more hours of beauty sleep and Ms P began making breakfast. 

After inhaling the bacon it was time to put on my second wash. I picked up all my regular pairs of underwear, gym wear and socks with a long stick and threw them into the clean machine. I poured half a litre of detergent, softener and stain remover into the body of the beast and hit the heavy duty button about seven times. 

Exercise time!

"Oi, oi, oi, oi..."

"Ms P, Ms P, Ms P!" I hissed trying to get her to look up

"What!?" she turned around.

"Oh...that..."

Yes. That.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

One thing that is just as if not more important than a perve is to vere off the main track from time to time.

Grounding or earthing is a spiritual exercise with a fairly logical affect. City folk are you listening? When was the last time you took off your stilettos, cons or thongs and placed your feet on the bare ground? Felt the grass between your toes or the roughness of the rocks on the soles of your feet. Think about it, we don't do it. There are many reasons why you feel better after going to the beach and one of the main ones is because you remove your shoes and allow your feet to sink into the sand, to swish through the waters edge. I don't know why but it centres you and gives you an overall sense of wellness. It's weird but I promise you it works, read more here

After a solid earthing session a super yacht came cruising into sight. I looked at Ms P and shook my head.

"I wonder who on earth you would have to sleep with to even go for a joy ride on that beast?" I asked her mesmerised by the sheer size of the thing and the way it glided effortlessly on top of the water.

According to Instagram the answer to that question is James Packer. I later found out that it was Miranda Kerr lounging on the back of the boat...Oh the things you see in Sydney.

After the walk we hit up Icebergs Cafe as usual - New Vittoria coffee cups made for an excellent photo op.

How to get the most out of your over priced coconut with Ms P:

1. Drink all of the coconut water
2. Using a straw start from the top on the coconut and scrape down the inside
3. Suck up the coconut flesh through your straw
4. Don't care if onlookers glare at you like you'r a 5 year old kid eating spaghetti - you're getting your moneys worth!

On the way home we stopped at Gnome to read Sneaky magazine, eat baguettes and leer at sickeningly style savvy Surry Hills folk. 

Every now and then I treat myself to a manicure. Ravishing red is the custom colour in my line of work...

By the time we got home it was nearly 5 pm. The only thing left to do was food prep! The below salad is inspired by the icebergs Super Grain Salad 

Yum!

This should last us a few lunches or until I decide to forego my new healthy eating plan for big dirty burger. No! Another thing that is so important for a career girl on a Sunday is to also check your state of mind. Take a few minutes on Sunday night to set up some goals for the week ahead, make sure the positive energy that you've gained from having a fulfilling Sunday carries over to the Monday regardless of how sad you are that another weekend is coming to an end. 

One of my personal goals for next week to stalk the absolute shit out of the Packer family and see if James has any strapping younger relatives. Now it's your turn what do you want to achieve this week?

Set those goals in motion and make it happen career girl. If anyone can do it, you can!

Xx

10 Cheap Things You Can Do To Make Yourself Feel More Fancy

Do you know what guys, it's so easy to feel poor when you are poor but I'm here to tell you now that it's not the be all and end all!

I'm not going to make like some fancy pants blogger and tell you I get sent free stuff, have a nice apartment with a high tech security system and the luxury of eating avocado for breakfast every day. No. Because that would be bullshit.

Instead I get sent nothing but junk mail, live in a house that uses its dingy brothel like exterior as it's main form of security and I can't remember the last time I purchased an avocado without feeling guilty like i'd just chosen a pony over my rent.

Having said that I never feel as though I'm being deprived of the high life. Truth be told there are a few things I do to make myself feel as though i'm living it up on a daily basis. A girl's got to be prepared for the day that she has millions thrust into her bank account right?

10 Cheap Things You Can do to Make Yourself Feel More Fancy

1. Always get to your office before everyone else and leave after everyone else so that you have a few private moments a day to pretend like all this shit is yours. Cost - $0

2. Go to nice restaurants for one glass of bubbly during happy hour, pretend that you're a privileged holiday maker with investment properties all over the world. Cost - Approximately $10

3. Sneak into resort pools often. If you live in Noosa I suggest French Quarter or Ocean Breeze. Cost - 20c if you need something to subtly unhinge the gate at South Pacific Resort.

4. Or if you live in Sydney get to know the ABC Pool at the uber chic Wooloomooloo Bay. Cost - Approximately $15

5. Occasionally have your morning coffee at Icebergs Terrace Cafe. If you upload photos like this to your Insta people will automatically think you're super fancy and live in the surrounding areas even though you've come all the way from Mount Druitt for a slightly burnt mocha. Cost - $4

6. Get some hot guy to pay for your extravagant dinners for you...

6.5 Don't feel bad for him, this bastard broke my heart when I was 17. Cost - Just a little bit of your dignity.

7. Get take away Miss Chu from Bondi and have a picnic in Vaucluse...

Cost- Super amazing steamed prawn & veggie dumplings $14

Cost - the view: priceless, that super yacht: $10000000

8. Have a dinner party in your backyard. Cost - $2 for celery centrepiece 

9. Get an Executive Suite at the Shangri-La with your Queens. Cost: $150 each includes pool access, afternoon tea on arrival, free drinks & canapés at 6 pm, buffet breakfast, afternoon tea on departure. Trust me if you're looking to do something special for someones birthday this is it! 

10. Or just have your next Friday night drinks at the Blu Bar (Top floor of the Shangri-la) You don't need to be a guest or a high roller to indulge in this little piece of heaven.

A bottle of wine amongst friends. Cost - $20 each.

So there you have it my friends, 10 things I do to make myself feel like less of a poor bitch in the big city.

Oh I almost forgot the most important point of all...

Hass Avocados are on special at Coles at the moment!! What did I tell you guys, soon we be living the high lyf!

The Ultimate Distraction

You want me to write so I’ll write.

It’s 10 pm and I’m staring blankly at my computer screen.

I don’t know whether its sleep deprivation or the fact that I’m still in shock either way I can’t find the words to describe what’s going on in my life right now.

And there’s a lot going on right now.

There’s the new job, the wonderful, unbelievable, challenging yet insanely seductive new job.

And then there’s him. 

Yes he’s back. 

There were a few weeks there when I thought I was in the clear, a few great weeks of absolute clarity.

But I knew that it wouldn’t be long before he would suck me back into his deceitful ways. 

 I can safely say that I’m fighting him off harder and stronger than ever before but whether or not I’ll win is anyones call. 

So what happened you ask?

The same old games ladies, just the same old games. 

Let me explain… 

I met him after work last Tuesday evening at the dimly lit Tokanoma bar on Crown St.

“You know I would have flown you over” he said gazing over the Japanese menu.

“That’s nice, but I wouldn’t have had time” I replied straightening up my blazer and drawing attention to the mystifying straps of my lingerie peaking out from my top (another incredible Maple HQ creation).

His eyes briefly slipped down below my neck and then back up again as the hostess approached our private booth.

“She’ll have Grey Goose on the rocks with fresh lime” 

“And for yourself..." the young girl smiled at him, not even acknowledging that I was in the room.

“Just sparkling water, thanks”.

He ordered 10 dishes which I knew would only be the equivalent of one but I wasn’t even the slightest bit hungry anyway.

“I notice that you haven’t been writing on your little blog” he said using his chopsticks with excellent precision to dissect his meal as well as my life. 

I laughed.

“Like I said I haven’t had much time” 

I don’t know why I was being so aloof, I suppose I was just being honest, the truth was I hadn’t had time. 

“Maybe you just don’t have anything good to write about”.

The next three days he definitely gave me something to think about about...

On the first day he bought me a gorgeous set of lingerie... from our competitors. 

Thanks, but not my style. I text him staying true to my brand but still deeply impressed by the fact that he'd remembered my size. 

On the second day it was a bottle of champagne left on my doorstep. 

And on the third day after I'd come back from lunch I was overwhelmed to find this massive bunch of flowers on my desk...

In not so many words the card basically said: I have the potential to unravel all your hard work, to take all of this away from you but here's the final gesture to express my upmost admiration, take from it what you will. 

 I took it as a cue to put finger tips to key board and write. By unravel all my hard work I mean the hard work that I have put into eliminating all romantic distractions from my life. 

I have been on my best behaviour, 100% career focused yet somehow I have attracted the most dangerous distraction of all.
Although he goes back to Costa Rica next week I have a feeling that it is going to be a real test eradicating him from my mind. But I have to because if I don't I can quite easily see my life going up in flames.

Brunch at Trio Bondi Beach

Last weekend Ms P and I decided to get up early and hit the Bondi to Bronte track, we invited Ms B and Ms L but due to booze orientated commitments the night before neither of them could attend.       

It’s funny how much I treasure my free time now that I have a full-time job. However, when I’m on  my own clock I tend to now have a lot less patience with other people.

                                                                                                                                                              Get the fuck out of my way loved up couple who insist on holding hands and taking up the entire pathway.

I don’t have time for this shit, I need to pound this pavement for exactly 60 minutes before my brunch date at 10.

Ms P talk to me!

‘I think I have an ingrown toenail and it’s infected.’ She said with her face screwed up

 Ew.  

‘Well you look good’ I replied raising my eyebrows up and down like a creepy mc creepster

We’re both wearing our best workout gear, Nike this, Stylerunner that. When “working out” in Bondi there is a certain standard you have to uphold.

I used to think that it was all bullshit until I dated a PT based in North Bondi. I will never forget the time I walked past him at Icebergs after a 5km run (hobble) sweating like a pig in my target sports bra, my mums old Rivers runners and a coffee stained ‘have a nice day’ T-shirt. I was so mortified I went and sat behind a bush for several minutes to calm myself down. 

Anyway. We completed the track in record time despite having to stop for pictures and a few cheeky perves.

Witness the fitness!

By the time we got back to Bondi the girls had finally made their way over to meet us at one of my favourite brunch spots Trio.

I must advise you the best stuff on this menu is not for the calorie conscious.

Ms P and I ordered the breakfast burritos, Ms L ordered the Mediterranean Breakfast while Ms decided on scrambled eggs with a selection of sides.

I can’t tell you much about the variety of this menu because I order the Trio breakfast burritos every time. When I first tried the chilli sala filling my mouth watered profusely but when I found out it was actually made up of slow cooked chorizo I literally died in the middle of the restaurant in front of all the bondi glitteratzi.

Its beyond words!

After breakfast Ms L gave me her present - a gorgeous Alexander McQueen razor leather bracelet LOVE!

We got the bill and then Ms B lured us all back to her car with promise of one last birthday surprise, the suspense almost killed me...

As soon as I caught a peek inside the paper I was blown away!

It was a frame full of all of my most memorable moments with the Queens, each picture telling a story of where we've been and the incredible times that we've shared in The Dirthouse

The best bit was what I found in the little pink bag...

One hundred personalised Heaven on Bourke business cards. 

Not only have these girls allowed me to take pictures of them every day and write about their personal stories for the whole world to read but they have supported and encouraged me all the way along.

Ms B grabbed a card from the pile, on the front a picture of me clinging to a Bourke St street sign looking like a dag in an old pair of grey track pants, pink thongs and my hair piled onto of my head, she took it and put it in my hand.

"Don't forget who you are dickhead"

"How could I ever forget?"