The Moment Of Enlightenment

As relaxing as this little holiday has been, it's also been slightly disarming.

Even though I had nothing on my schedule the entire time apart from juicing and catching up on the latest season of Californication I still felt overwhelmed by a handful of tasks I had secretly hoped to complete while I was in Noosa.

These tasks consisted of:

• Detoxifying the body with green juices and a Paleo meal plan
• Exercise and meditate everyday 
• Write a book 
• Post on Heaven On Bourke witty, thought provoking work everyday
• Refrain from having sex with anyone I went to school with
• In fact pretty much avoid anyone and everyone I ever went to school with
• And manage my Sydney social life entirely from my portable communication device (fancy words for iPhone). 

First, write a book - are you fucking kidding me? In the two weeks I spent in Noosa I did nothing of the sort I barely even posted on here. I drove myself acutely crazy suspecting one of the DH Queens of liaising with a man I'm interested in, without the ability to actually see what was going on myself I spent most of the time I'd allocated to meditation trolling social media for proof that I was being taken for a ride. The truth was - I was actually taking myself for a ride, I foolishly thought that I could simply click my fingers and be transported to a state of mind that resembled a peaceful blue lagoon instead I was drowning myself in haste and the confides of a dangerously addictive and depressing not-so-new book (Valley Of The Dolls). Although I ate incredibly well, in fact the best i've ever eaten in my life - food was pretty much all I thought about.

A typical day on holiday:

• Wake up, crave a hot mug of caffeine laced lactose lusciousness but force myself to drink a glass of snot warm lemon water
• Eat breakfast
• Complete some form of exercise (this was the part of the day I enjoyed the most unfortunately it only took up one hour)
• Go home and prepare a nutritious snack 
• Think about what I was going to have for lunch
• Count 3 hours between snack and lunch to allow for optimum digestion
• Prepare and eat lunch
• Sun bake and read Valley of The Dolls
• Feel morbidly depressed about the fact that even if I do become famous I'll probably become hooked on sleeping pills and anti depressants before becoming washed up and declining back into someone even more insignificant than I am now.
• Troll social media while eating afternoon snack 
• Take a nap
• Eat dinner then slip into a hot bath filled with Himalayan bath salts 

I literally did something close to that list day in and day out for the duration of my holiday, except for last night when I eventually snapped, got drunk, rocked up to my old haunt, completely disregarded number six on my list (avoid anyone I went to school with) talked a whole lot of shit to a whole lot of people I planned to never see again, jumped in someone else's spa bath fully clothed and snuck back into my mothers house at 6:30am dressed in my friend's uncle's board shorts and shirt. And that was without a doubt the funniest yet most exhilarating day yet. Go figure. 

I guess the moral of this story is that sometimes the intent to detox and meditate for a clearer state of mind and overall inner peace is fucking useless. Sometimes the answer is to not think and just go with the flow. 

Tomorrow I fly back to the big smoke. About an hour ago now my dad came into my room and sat on my bed and told me that if I liked he would pay for me to postpone my flight and stay in Noosa another week. At first I was seriously tempted, why go back to tightly confided, noisy, manic concrete jungle full of  inconsiderate assholes and people wanting to steal your dignity, money and maybe even your man when you can stay in paradise for another seven days and pay not a single cent?

But then it occurred to me that as a highly strung, sickeningly ambitious, want it all now young woman that ruthless concrete jungle of mayhem is exactly where I belong. I drown my sorrows in the constant drone of sirens and foot traffic that makes its way off the street and into my room. I take sick pleasure in using alcohol and the city's endless parade of bars and nightclubs as my meditation, my release. At this point in my life I believe that silence and calmness is the last thing I need. I am at my most content when I am wrapped up in the city's bountiful embrace, I crave madness and chaos and those are things that I simply cannot find in this beautiful and serene small town.

Regardless, I did have a great time in Noosa and I have this montage of mostly shit quality photos to show for it...enjoy!

Before the Dirthouse Queens there was this doll below - she's a jack of all trades this one and I'm sure you're going to see much more of her in the future!

She even made her dining room table out of old supplies she found at a workplace! Pretty creative eh?

It also took her no time at all to remind me how spontaneous she can be...

If you live in Noosa is saucy minx below can hook you up with some fresh ink - Ask for Miss Edwards at Tewantin Tattoo's

I posted the pictures below on my personal Facebook account where I knew my dad would see them, the joke didn't really turn out how I intended - I nearly gave the poor man a heart attack!

And then there was the delicious bounty of fresh organic food and classic home cooking...

And the delicious homemade cheat meal at the end of the rainbow!

We also mustn't forget the coffee dates at the one and only Bistro C with old friends

And of course there was the sweet embrace of home...

Finally I sold my little blue car and traded it in for the magnificent Harley in the background...just kidding ;)

Picked this bunch of babies with my own bare hands!

And watched them grow into tasty little morsels that game me the worst flatulence of my life (too much?)

And somewhere in between in all this I actually managed to do a tiny bit of writing...

And chase down a fairly large and aggressive pelican

So long Noosa, you've been good to me and I'll surely miss you as soon as my plane leaves the ground and wish desperately that i'd accepted my dads proposal but I've simply got no time to waste - the game has only just begun!

Not to mention how excited I am to  see the Queens and especially if the text message below is anything to go by there is a lot of filth that I just have to be filled in on - that was gross, never again I promise!

I assure you my friends...she wasn't joking.