Addicted to Bill(s) Pancakes

I'm sitting on my balcony. It is my first and only day off for a while and I am determined to write this restaurant review. I've recently been offered a job as a food blogger for an online magazine.

I'm onto my second coffee in hope that the highly caffeinated drink will evoke a flood of creativity. However, every sip of my long black makes me feel more and more pensive to my feelings.

'Bill's Surry Hills has very good pancakes'

Wow, exceptional work Paige. Real cutting edge stuff.

I try to think of several other words for good but my mind drifts back to the other Bill in my life.

No I can write about something other than you today.

You message me, again.

Fuck it, it's a sign from above that I can indeed write about you.

This time you are in Noosa. My Noosa. It is a business trip, in fact you are filming a new television show...obviously something health and fitness related. Damn those perfect abs of yours.

You have just messaged me telling me how beautiful Noosa is, magical even. A magical feeling of nausea washes over my body. This isn't fair. Noosa is my escape from you. And now you are in Noosa without me.

As you all know I escape to Noosa every chance I get. It is the perfect opportunity to breathe and reassess what is going on in my life. I know it sounds strange but Noosa has this incredible, magnetic power that draws you back into a state of equilibrium and I might go as far as to say an incredible state of inner piece. Maybe it's the fresh air, the relaxed small town mentality or  the fact that all of your shit is too far away to even matter. Whatever it is I'm confident that Noosa gives you the power to see things a lot clearer.

It appears that you, my love are no exception. Since you have been away I have felt a subtle yet conspicuous shift in your attitude. The calls are more frequent and the tone in your voice is softer and more endearing. It is a shift imperceptible to anyone but me.

If you are a woman, chances are you know what I am talking about. I'm talking about those rare moments when a man's heart completely opens. It is like for a fleeting moment he can see things exactly the same way you see things. The problem with this is that as soon as it happens it is only a matter of time before his heart closes again.

Tonight you fly back to Sydney, back to your parties and launches. Back to your close circle of friends and the people who love you. And although you're returning to the same city as me I feel as though you might as well be flying somewhere far, far out to sea.

Maybe it's time for me to take another spontaneous trip to Noosa?

Or maybe it's just time for me to stop running away and finally face reality. Your heart is never going to  stay open for me.

I'm hungry. I grab my coat and head out the front door onto Bourke Street. I head in the direction of Bills Surry Hill's for pancakes but then stop myself mid way. I think I will try something new today.

(Fouratefive's famous french toast)