It was early, so early that the sun had only just began to seep through the cracks of The Dirthouse and light up my room. On my way to the shower I heard giggling coming from downstairs. The playful sound of sniggering and sneaking around the house was reminiscent of my childhood especially at Christmas time. I immediately wondered what they had found.
I remembering hoping, praying, begging Santa for a trampoline. Sneaking out of my room at age five and peaking out the window to find it smack bang in the middle of my backyard on Christmas day was the highlight of my life.
I take a detour on the way to the bathroom and head downstairs to see what all the fuss is about. I'm a little bit too excited. But how would we fit a trampoline into the non existent backyard of this dilapidated terrace house?
The giggles get louder as I get closer to the living room. And then disappointment floods my entire body like the feeling you get when you bite into a 'chocolate cake' and realise that its actually just a dirty brown fruit loaf.
There's a naked boy passed out on our couch. He has a tiny penis and I just want to fucking murder myself for making so many spare keys.
The Queens who are huddled beside the couch next to the unconscious man see the expression on my face and burst into laughter.
So its always Christmas at the DH in the sense that we never really know what interesting surprise we are going to find when we wake up. Other than that I have no idea what this story has to do with this segment of 12 Days of Christmas DH Edition apart from the fact that I think its pretty funny. So without further a due may I present to you days 3, 4 and 5.
On the Third, fourth and fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me....
Midori, Sakura and Yuki
One thing I have learnt from working in an adult toy store is that a lot of people don't like the idea of vibrators, just as much as I don't like the idea of finding strange naked men in my house.
But I get where they are coming from as many vibrators can be intimidating, unusual looking and sometimes complicate the sexual experience rather than enhance it.
Well if a big, veiny, plastic dildo isn't for you...don't worry because I've got you covered this Chrissy ;)
Why hello there little snow man. Don't you just look like a sweet little squishy ball of fun!
Ladies and gentlemen meet Yuki, one of three beautiful massagers from the Iroha range. Unlike your average vibrator the Iroha range looks super drecrete yet packs a punch with its intense vibrating patterns.
What you need to know about the Iroha toys:
- There are three toys (pictured below) each with their own unique shape
- Yuki (the little snow man) is my favourite as it can be used as an external and internal vibrator
- The new soft touch technology means that the harder you press the more intense the vibration will feel on your skin
- It is splash proof so you can use it in the shower
- No batteries - just sits on its little dock to charge
The Iroha toys are literally the softest thing I have ever felt and many of the customers who come into the shop agree. The best part is that they look and feel like a stress ball so it's perfect for those gals who don't like the idea of having a vibrator. These toys are also perfect for couples as they are small and easy to use all over the body.
The Iroha range is perfect for:
- First time toy users
- As an external vibrator
- Couples play (during foreplay as a full body massager/during sex as an external stimulator)
Approximately AUS $139.00
The perfect Christmas gift for:
- Your super girly BFF
- The clean freak BFF (The Iroha range is actually dust repellant)
- Yourself
On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
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