Bellissima!

Don’t get me wrong holidays are great, but they’re not real.

What’s real is the money you spend, the time you waste getting lost on the Metro and the handsome man back in Sydney who is or is not waiting for your return.

Not to mention the life back in Surry Hills. Does it still exist? Of course it does. But I’d be a fool to believe that it isn’t more than a little bit fractured due to my time in lieu.

There’s the slightly too ambitious Maple girl who has been covering my role, no doubt she’s blitzed it by churning out not one but two columns a week.

Are they witty? Not really but in a rapidly expanding business does anyone notice a few absent adjectives.

Maybe the booming and spectacularly glamorous lingerie industry isn’t my thing anyway. Since being in Paris I’ve found that my thing is indeed bread. 

Croissants eaten at 8 am, ham and cheese baguettes and tiny toasts best served with cured meats, little fish and cream. Cream is also my thing. Fancy that.

Anyway enough of this realness. For the next 48 hours I’m in the floating city of love, Venice. 

Time to find a selfie stick, some nice light and a pizza to sink my teeth into.

My life is but a fabulous European vacay. Bellissima! 

How very Versace of this man to smoke a cigarette while holding his wife's handbag as she strays off into one of the many Italian boutiques to find another.

Unfortunately the 7 years of Italian I did in primary school did not prepare me for ordering Italian cuisine. Apparently a Capricciosa pizza is different to a Caipiroska pizza. In fact for all of you wine snobs out there you'll know perfectly well that a Caipiroska isn't a pizza at all, it's a highly alcoholic Brazilian cocktail. Well waiter you can stop laughing at me and bring over two of each!

In all honesty Venice gave me the heady dose of escapism that I needed. I let the city's maze like streets lead me to flee markets, hidden cathedrals and a cute Italian boys selling knock off Prada bags.

Maybe that's a little too far away from real for me. 

And so that concludes my time in Europe. 

Sure there are many things I haven't told you about my time abroad but I have a feeling that perfect pictures and Prada handbags aren't what you come to Heaven on Bourke to see. 

So, get ready!

We will resume our regular scheduled programs of girls, filth and dating in Sydney in 5...

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