Naughty Sailors, A Head Of Hanson, Fendi (THATS FENDI) and Home Lyf: Part 1

Look I admit it, I've neglected you but in my defence it's been an absolutely massive week, the week that was the 19th-26th of April. Quite a few exciting events took place including my birthday and Anzac Day, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. 

Day 1: Birthday Eve @ Opium Den Potts Point

Opium Den is a little-hole-in-the wall Thai restaurant in Potts Point. This dimly lit fusion of traditional Thai with a modern twist is the perfect place for a small group. Not only does Opium Den have absolutely amazing (and cheap) food but best of all its BYO (there is a little bottle-o conveniently located four doors down). Delish!

Obviously this card that the Dirthouse Queens got me was completely irrelevant to my life.

A bit of a bathroom selfie was definitely in order after one or two wines...

After a day of running around I completely forgot to charge my SLR camera, hence the grainy images- Hopefully these ones from my Iphone will do the amazing spread of food we ordered some justice.

If you look closely you can see queen L doing what Quenn L does best and that is shoving long round objects into her gob.

I was very happy to have my closest ladies with me to celebrate...

I was even happier to receive a lovely little Fendi Bag, complements of Queen L and Queen B. In the little yellow bag was a gorgeous gold necklace with my initial embedded. Finally a Carrie Bradshaw-esque necklace that will go with all of my outfits!

Best of all was a red velvet cake made by Queen K, the finger marks on the side are to add that extra element of filth!

My very own Dirhouse Queen cake, What more could a girl want?

After dinner we got picked up and headed to a couple more places for some cheeky birthday drinks.

 
In fear that we were going to end up just 'chasing the night' I was in bed by 1am- after all I had a plane to catch the next morning and I'm an adult now. Overall dinner at Opium Den was amazing, perfect for a low key event or just some yummy food between good friends. I highly recommend it!

Your New In Case Of Emergency Contact:

Heaven On Bourke is a lifestyle blog based in Sydney Australia.

If you have any questions or comments please feel free to send me an email at heavenonbourke@gmail.com

*Boys- this email account does not accept high angle shots of your penis, unless of course you are okay with being publicly scrutinised by a large audience of women. 

And The Sea

I haven't always lived in the city, in fact for 18 pristine years of my life I lived in a sunny place called Noosa. Now before you throw your fists up at the computer screen and cry "She's A bloody Queenslander!!" I'll have you know that since moving just over a year ago I've realised that Sydney is the only place I want to be, I love the fast-paced city life, the opportunity that lingers just past my door step and the way the constant droning of cars and sirens reminds me that I'm not alone, but then there's just something about Noosa that I can't seem to shake and I think I might have a few reasons why...

Its just something about the beach...

The freedom to drive the little blue car that you're too scared to drive in the city (ok I admit it!)...

The best place to soak up some rays...

The perfect view for a couple of afternoon drinks... 

It's all about the tourist attractions (my mothers incredible legs)...

And just being able to dive in the pool on a sticky summers afternoon...

Its the tan that never fades and the food that tastes 100 times better because its local and fresh as can be.

Its simply taking time out to relax and unwind...

And come home to a face that is as unforgettable as the day you realised theres simply no place like home.

My baby ^^^^

Black & White

Ever since I started working at the PR firm I've been working harder and longer days, now when Friday comes around I can finally relate to the over whelming sense of relief and the insatiable desire to let loose that my housemates know all too well. So when the weekend finally arrived I couldn't wait to whip out my little leather skirt and get down and dirty to the amazing 90's music that plays at the Beresford every Friday night. The Beresford Hotel located conveniently at the top of Bourke St is a little piece of heaven in itself, with a buffet of eligible men and a super chilled vibe its a perfect place to kick off the weekend.

In the courtyard completely lit by lanterns, we enjoyed half a dozen glasses of white and the company of some nice young men. I  have never had so much fun dancing to Janet Jackson, Ginuwine and best of all the king of hip hop Biggie Smalls. After a hefty amount of tequila and a shot of absinthe I was well and truly on my way...

Nek Minit...

We've all had this moment, the morning after when you peel open yours eyes to find a large hairy body sprawled across your nice white sheets. You rack your poor brian trying to remember if you did it or not...lucky for me the answer was: not. At my request Mr. J had come over after work, i suggested to him  that we get a hotel room so I could order room service and watch pay TV (believe it or not my intentions were good). Mr. J and I have always had an innocent relationship, during the short period of time we dated we always found ourself doing weird things like lying for hours under the big Luna Park face in the middle of the night or having magnum eating competitions in the back of his shitbox car. Anyway we tried a couple of hotels but being the first day of the holidays all the rooms were booked out. Before we knew it we were back in my bed and I was taking photos of him in nothing but a leotard and a straw trilby hat. I forgot to mention that Mr. J is a model on the side and is fluent in Russian.  Look ladies and a few gentlemen I do this type of "investigative blogging" for you, its got absolutely nothing to do with me ;) Enjoy. 

Thank you for your services now take your suit jacket and leave. 

 Yet another successful night.

 I can't believe that this time week I'll be another year older...Oh doesn't time fly when you're having  fun. X

Moleskin, Coffee and Ray Bans- Thats What I Call Getting An Education

A couple of weeks ago I had my first tutorial of the year, for those whose lives aren't ruled by the institution call university, a tutorial takes place in a more intimate setting of about 20 students unlike a lecture which usually consists of the entire cohort.

Anyway, as I walked into the classroom I noticed the chairs had all been place in a circle facing each other. Ice breaking activities are very popular in week one, it takes me back to primary school when the vulnerability of not knowing anyone yet being forced to speak made me want to vomit on my practical yet incredibly hideous velcro shoes.

What happened next proved I was no longer that insecure adolescent or that through hundreds of hours of classroom discussions with strangers I no longer cared or censored too much about what I said.

One by one the tutor asked us to say our name and what we choose to make public and what platform we use.

Jennifer Lung makes public her photos on Facebook, Tara Jackson makes public her opinion on Twitter as well as photos of her cat, Max on Tumblr. Alexandra Mayne doesn't think she is a very public person as she has a private Instagram account. And then it was my turn...

My name is Paige and I make public virtually every aspect of my life via a personal blog. The tutor (who is actually very cute) gave me a look like i had just given him permission to ask me if and how I maintain my pubic hair. Is this the type of blog you share with your friends and family? he asked me. God no, only with strangers I laughed. The class went quiet and Tara shot me a look like i'd just killed her cat. I didn't realise that this was such an absurd concept to some, especially since almost everyone is living in the public eye these days.

Remember that bitchy girl you accepted as a fb friend in year 11 just to get on her good side? She probably takes the piss with her friends when you post soppy lyrics as your status in a fleeting moment of weakness, not all of your "friends" are friends. Since I created a fb account when I was 16 I have accumulated 1825 "friends" yet I'd most definitely rather share my opinion here on this blog with people who voluntarily chose to engage in it than people who probably punched holes in my year book picture.

You are here because you've found a way to escape your reality, by taking a peak into mine. Ask yourself what is it that YOU make public? For some it will be their musings and for others it will be their inner most deepest thoughts...I know for a fact that there are also some people who read my blog who have made public their entire body online and while that may have its own set of consequences who are we to say thats right or wrong.

Fuck, university has made me wise. I strongly recommend it if not for the knowledge you will obtain but for the incredibly loose times you will have.

Anyway looking at my watch it says only one thing its FRIDAY. So I have to go and get ready for some hardcore shenanigans. Stay tuned for my post about Leading Seaman Physical Trainer D.H, this guy I've been seeing ;) Ohh don't you just loveee semen...*seamen.

Not Just A Blog About Sex, Pubic Hair And Getting Drunk

Contrary to popular belief this is not just a blog about sexcapades, the maintenance of pubes and getting fucked up. I have decided to integrate a how-to once every now and again to stay hip and relevant (yes i just used the word hip). 

People love learning how to make stuff so I'm going to give my audience exactly what they want. The only problem seems to be that I'm not too flash at cooking and I definitely don't think I should be telling anyone else what to do, so I stuck with a treat that I know well and although its not a secret recipe my grandma passed down to me or something the requires a lot of skill I think that everyone should know how to make these tasty treats simply because if you have enough of them they will literally take you to a whole new level.

Introducing...Vodka Jelly Shots- Dirthouse Style

Now you can be absolutely hopeless in the kitchen (like me) and still be able to make these babies with ease. 

All you need are two ingredients:

• Jelly- I chose raspberry flavoured 
• Vodka- How cute are these little bottles I found in my underwear draw

Attached to the Vodka was this cute note that my friend made...Nawww

Now I know those bottles are cute and all but at the DH we don't like to fuck around with our bottles of booze, so i brought in something a little more...substantial. 

Okay, first things first- lay out some plastic shot glasses on a tray, I got these bad boys from Woolworths for $2.99

Now its time to start making your jelly. You will need 1 cup of boiling water and 100mls of cold water and 100mls of vodka mixed together. It is important to put in the cold water so that the jelly sets...if you're fine with unset super sweet liquid then forget about the water and just put 1 cup of vodka. I've done this before and after a few shots I didn't even care that my jelly didn't set. 

Add the boiling hot water to the jelly crystals (don't bother putting your hot water in a glass to make it look like you have super excellent preparation skills because you will burn the absolute fuck out of your fingers, like I learnt after I picked up the cup below). 

Once you've added the boiling water you must dissolve the crystals by stirring rapidly...or not rapidly just make sure that every damn grain of crystal has dissolved. 

Add the water and vodka mixture

And stir once more...I think I should do a post on how to stir too as this obviously requires a great deal of skill. 

Next pour your mixture into the shot glasses making sure not to spill it, come on we're not drunk yet. 

Put in the fridge for 4-5 hours to set (the duration of time it takes to do your make up) and Whollaa you've got you some tasty-as-fuck jelly shots perfect for entertaining friends or getting your younger brother or sister secretly drunk if they aren't aware that this vibrant coloured jelly is actually laced with sweet sweet alcohol! 

Give your self a pat on the back because you've actually just made something great! 

After making the shots I realised that Friday is actually a pretty big deal and I needed more than jelly to express my appreciation for it being the beginning of the weekend. So i did what any part-time worker/uni student who is amazing at procrastinating would do, I went out a bought a dozen metallic balloon and wrote HAPPY FRIDAY on every darn one of them. 

It really ended up being quite a spread...

Lady Bernie very much appreciated my avo dip (another very complicated recipe consisting of avocados and a lemon mixed together garnished with a bit of salt and pepper). 

A couple of wines and jelly shots later we were loving life and the balloons a little too much...

Unfortunately I didn't get any more pictures of the night, we ended up going to The Beresford Hotel where I ran into a boy I did cheerleading in high school with, met a small blonde girl who took me all the way to North Bondi to meet her boss and entice me to have a threesome with them (they failed dismally) and was introduced to a handsome guy who works in the navy (very exciting prospects). It was a very big night so as you could imagine a good coffee was very much in order this morning. 

As we sat in a filthy sea of crumbs, balloons and empty shot glasses I realised that there was only one thing to do and that was to do it all over again. So, Happy Saturday everyone...I'm meant to be going on a party bus with Geordie Shore, but I already have a feeling that it might not be the greatest idea. Oh well I guess we'll know tomorrow. Enjoy your weekend everyone!