MAN MUSINGS: Hot Dudes Reading

The Internet is a weird and wonderful place of which 50% is porn. Another 10% is also porn but not your traditional busty blonde meets well-endowed beef cake type.

Introducing 'Hot Dudes Reading'

 @hotdudesreading is an Instagram account with over 360K followers.

When Miss B tagged me in a post with love heart emoji eyes I knew I was about to be introduced to something revolutionary.

Real men commuting to work not mesmerised by their phones. So what are they doing if they aren’t tormenting some poor woman via text or scrolling through their ex girlfriends instagram account?

They’re reading…

…books. 

If you didn’t feel a deep surge in your loins then you should. Men reading books is the new erotica for women. 

The only thing better than the photos are the captions created by an anonymous group of New Yorkers who I can only assume are a hilarious, witty, honest group of women. 

"Spotted this scruffy prince on his morning commute. Probably to sculpture class. I'm sure he's reading a collection of post-war Russian short stories, but really thinking of how he made love to his French girlfriend this morning and the gluten-free toast they shared."

"Check out this Brooklyn-bound boss' material. Maybe he's an aspiring actor/writer/producer/director/nudist looking for tips. Doesn't matter, I love a man getting in touch with his feminine side. When will he get in touch with mine? Just kidding #notthatkindofgirl

Ladies of the NYC underground you took the words right out of my mouth! 

There is not one dapper-gent-alone-in-a-café-reading-the-Sunday-paper that I don’t stop and gawk at on the way to brunch. There’s something so sophisticated and sexy about a man who can sit comfortably in his own company immersed in current affairs opposed to the cold digital world the majority of us choose to consume ourselves in. 

As for the men featured on @hotdudesreading Instagram...you're intelligent, you're real and although you'll probably never see this (because you're too busy reading Dickens) I'd just like to say...

Thank you for your 10% contribution to the internet...

I really, really appreciate it ;)

The Lingerie Diaries: A French Designer, an Italian Supplier, a bag of Loubs and a Latex Stocking

It’s not everyday that you’re asked to lube up your own leg in the name of research, however in my line of work outrageous requests are almost included in the position description. 

It’s Wednesday morning and I’m responding to an enquiry from a man wanting to try on corsets, when Maple HQ’s French designer approaches my desk with a black shiny thing concealed in plastic casing. 

He unfolds the glossy latex strip and places it in front of me.

"Can you please try?” He asks handing me a bottle of silicone lubricant.

With a penchant for pretty naughty things I'm happy to be the go-to girl for trying on new product however i'd be lying if I said latex wasn't a new concept to me. 

“You want me to try the latex or the lube?” I ask.

“You must put the lubricant on your leg first then the latex, this is our first sample I need to see on the body.”

Okie dokey then.

I slip off my left heel, scrunch up the glossy stocking and put the cool latex over my feet, it pulls on my skin immediately. 

Ah that’s why you need the lubricant.

Next minute our resident Italian is having a heated argument with a supplier, the receptionist is signing for a delivery of lacey suspenders and here I am in the middle of the open plan office lubing up my left leg like I’m basting a big ass turkey. 

The latex finally slides up my skin sucking in everything in sight and before I know it I have a swarm of people around me touching and pulling at my left leg. 

The boss calls for more lubricant to polish the outside of the latex and suddenly I’m being rubbed down like a sumo wrestler before a big fight. 

I feel like the bionic woman, powerful, sexy….invincible. That’s until I lean forward to pick up a bag of Louboutins that are lying in the path of destruction and…

SNAPPPPPPP!

Show. Over. 

Despite breaking the only sample we had, I did have a smile on my face all day.  Did you know silicone lubricant is not only great for shower sex but works just as well as a moisturiser?

All in a days work I tell you.

Paige x

My Clear Skin Routine Featuring Fiji

There’s nothing more frustrating than having bad skin. Growing up I was hit with the acne stick, which meant while other girls were flaunting their spotless selfies I was sitting at home on the family PC painstakingly erasing every blemish with Microsoft Paint. 

I tried everything to clear my skin…even Proactiv. The thing with Proactiv is that sooner or later you'll discover the writing is written on the towels. Yes, every single one of my mothers fluffy towels became covered in bleach coloured patches and the colour of my foundation went from warm beige to Michael Jackson Ivory.

Ermmm…not good!

Although I’ve now out grown my worst skin stage my skin is still far from perfect. However in the last 6 months I’ve found something that actually WORKS for me. 

You all know that I’m no beauty expert, however, when a product gives you the confidence to rock bare skin in front of a boy you really like I consider that newsworthy.

Yes after years of doing the wake up and make up routine, this new skin care regime finally helped me to relax, banish the pimples and the insecurity...

So what the hell is this bloody great skin care regime? Well step this way pretty lady…

First might I say it actually helps to have a skincare regime. When I first moved out of home I fed my face with whatever I could afford, it wasn't until I invested the time and little extra money into a daily routine that I started noticing a big difference.

My Skin Diet

Dolce & Gabbana shades: less squinting means less wrinkles in the long run. Bare Minerals liquid foundation from Mecca (more about this later) Aloe Vera Gel smooths and softens after fun in the sun. Last but not least may I introduce to you the Skinstitut skincare range...my little miracle workers.

I envy those girls who can simply wake up splash their face with water, apply some vegan moisturiser and go. To keep my skin under control I need a cleanser with a little more kick but not so much that it bleaches my face. You know what I'm talking about?

Step 1. Skinstitut L-Lactic Cleanser. It's still got all the good stuff your skin craves (goji berry, seaweed, vitamin B & E) but with the safe amount of L-Lactic acid to banish those blemishes. This cleanser is perfect to use daily!

Hot Tip: Alternate your face wash routine with a gentle cleanser (above) and a tough scrub. This glycolic scrub below is amazing for unblocking pores and deep exfoliation. It is also perfect for acne prone skin. Warning: Do not use everyday! Even the best scrub will quickly dry out your skin which can result in further breakouts.

Step 2. Moisturise! To the dismay of some beauty experts I just skipped 500 steps. Honestly after years of trying EVERYTHING I think that unless you're getting a professional facial (um heaven) then it is not necessary to put a billion tubes of crap on your face. Toners, peels, you name it will just strip your face of all it's natural oils, save yourself some money and simply stick to the essentials.

A good moisturiser is essential. For my skin type I opt for the Skinstitut dry skin moisturiser. It's smooth and creamy but not too thick which means that it won't clog your pores.

Added extras: Age Defence SPF 50+ no excuses, if you want to keep your skin looks fresh and fabulous for years to come you must use some type of sunscreen. Rejuvenate Serum your after sun lover helps to smooth and hydrate your skin after a big day at the beach.

The best thing: All Skinstitut products are 3 for $99 so you can finally afford quality skincare for a fraction of the price of other brands.

Make up! I once left a thick layer of L'Oreal foundation on for 2 days...2 days!! I had just started seeing this really gorgeous gent and was too afraid to let him see me bare faced. On the night of the second day I could feel every congested pore and every pimple, it hurt to move my face! If you've ever had bad skin you'll understand the mountain of anxiety that comes with it.

I'm telling you right now if you want to improve the condition of your skin you need to stop covering it with crap. When I was in Paris I discovered this liquid foundation by Bare Minerals. The best thing about it is that it goes on and dries like a light mineral power but it gives the coverage of a great liquid foundation. Perfect for concealing acne scars and redness and at the same time letting your skin breathe. Sydney ladies you can purchase this for only $38 at your closest Mecca store, I get mine from Mecca Bondi Junction and they even match your skin colour for free!

Last but not least...water. It's a no brainer really. Drink and glow bombshells, drink and glow!

Ok now I'm ready for my close up...

To me my skin in this picture is mind-blowing. Yes I'm wearing a thin layer of Bare Minerals foundation and if you look close enough you can still spot the little bumps on my forehead, however I couldn't be happier with the results I've experienced over the last 6 months.

The best bit was when I went to the dermatologist to get more Skinstitut cleanser last week.

I put a big bottle of the scrub on the counter and contemplated getting a second bottle while I was there in case of emergency and then the lovely lady behind the counter stopped me. 

"Is this for your skin?" she asked kindly.

"Ah, yes" I said feeling self conscious about the fact that I had no make-up on and was quite red and sweaty from my run.

"I need whatever cleanser is good for acne prone skin." I added quietly to ensure no one else could near me. 

She looked at my face and shook her head. 

"But you don't have any acne, you have lovely skin" she said reaching for a less potent product.

Strangely I was overcome with emotion. Unlike some of my beautiful friends, no one has ever told me that I have good skin. It has always been obvious that I struggled with breakouts and those days that they didn't stare a little too long at my forehead were good days for me. 

Now people comment on my complexion and although my instinct is to still put my hand up to my face to cover my chin, I know all that insecurity is slowly fading away. 

Just because this skin care routine worked for me doesn't mean it will work for you, but take it from a girl who's been in your shoes and tried everything...this might be exactly what you've been praying for. It was for me.

Check it out for yourself: www.skinstitut.com 

Paige x

Bulla Bombshells! Welcome to Fiji...

When Mr P.S asked me if I’d like to escape for the long weekend I thought he was referring to a few bottles of wine and a menu-log-athon. Shame on me for thinking that ‘take-you-away’ meant ‘take-away’.

“What could be better than Oriental Healthy thai curry and steamed dumplings?” I emailed back from my desk, the clock now lingering on 8 pm. 

“You’ll see. Think beachy and pack your passport.” he replied instantly. 

Forget 'I love you', 3 words I beg to hear from my gent is 'pack your passport'. Done and done!

Be warned if you're looking to holiday in Fiji, the popular island of Denarau boasts plenty of resorts, however not all are equally as inviting.

Luckily I did the research for you and picked the cream of the crop!

Known for it's stunning ocean front views, luxurious day spa and picturesque palm trees, the Westin Denarau Island Resort is perfect for lovers and...

lovers of delicious cocktails...

During the day it was all about long sessions in the sun, heavenly massages and colourful drinks...

And when the sun went down...

That's when we feasted...

On day 2, Mr P.S surprised me with a jet ski safari around the islands with a spot of snorkelling...

Nothing but the sun, sea and two giant floating boobies...bulla!

And then it was my turn to take Mr P.S somewhere amazing...

Want to do something a little out of the ordinary? Take a speed boat ride to Cloud 9. It's literally a floating bar in the middle of the South Pacific Ocean. Nothing but crystal clear water, good vibes...

And pizza! Straight out of the pizza oven.

The best bit, you can dive off the side to cool off after tearing it up on the floating dance floor!

Make sure not to fall into the tourist trap of eating at the resort every night! Get out and discover the Port. Only a 5 minute Bulla Bus ride from the hotels, it's cheap and you might just find a glass of champagne with your name on it...

H-A-P-P-Y

Off on a surprise getaway with your beau but don't have enough time to shop for the occasion? Lucy in the Sky is my new favourite online boutique. The dress above was only $50 and if you live in Sydney CBD they do next day deliveries for free!

Life's little luxuries hey...

It's not over! The beautiful Fiji becomes the backdrop in my next post about skincare and my experience growing up with less than beautiful skin. Yes I'm talking about acne and what happens when you wear make up to a boy's house or in my case, a boy's ocean front suite.

Until next time peeps...

Bulla! :D

Smells Like Teen Heart Throb

It was the Summer of 2005 and I’d somehow managed to sneak over a brawny touch footy player two grades above me. He was incredibly alluring for a 16 year old boy with tanned skin, blue eyes and muscles as mighty as the padded bra hidden underneath my Supre tee. 

Above all things he had the moves and by moves I mean he knew how to say the right things over msn chat and even how to compliment my mother on her packet made tea cake. 

He was also the first boy I’d discovered in Noosa that wore more than just the scent of salt water and zinc cream. Somehow, somewhere he’d gotten his hands on some cologne which had this bewildering, memorising effect on me to say the least. 

I distinctly remember him sitting there, opposite me, leaning down to wrestle with my dog, Gidget who seemed equally besotted at his feet. With every full rotation of the free standing fan, his masculine scent would blow over to me. 

PHWOAR! 

After that we went steady for about a week then when teenage angst got the best of us we broke up outside the canteen. I made a point of asking him one last thing outside the tuckshop before I removed him from my Myspace top 3...

“What aftershave do you wear anyway?” - me

“Armani Aqua De Gio.” And the rest is history.

It's incredible how powerful a scent can be! Now whenever I catch a whiff of someone wearing Aqua De Gio in the street I secretly go weak in the knees.

Now let's cut the merde. If you're a kitten for man smell like me you MUST get yours mitts on a Oceanique Classic Soy Candle by Circa Home.

It's my latest discovery. Not only is it soy and natural and boudoir friendly but it's cheap! Move over Glass House you can get one of these babies for only $29.95.

Put it on your Sunday shopping list along with your fresh flowers and Elle magazine. 

If you don't believe that it smells like a hot guy check out the reviews

THIS IS NOT A PAID PROMOTION. In fact Circa Home I'm taking my hat off to you for providing me with a cheaper alternative to a real boyfriend, more sustainable too (lead-free cotton wicks).

"Our fragrances have a warm sentimentality that evokes moments from the past and creates memories for the future..."

^^^ One statement your coconut & lime candle can't make. 16 year-old touch footy boy meets future hubby, now THAT's a scent worth burning.

P x

MAN MUSINGS

I was going to call this new segment Dick Diaries or Penis Ponderings but considering 9/10 p*rn searches now redirect to HOB thanks to Google keywords I decided to stick with something a little more high brow. 

Introducing Man Musings: An Honest Girl's Opinion

To kick things off let’s reflect on the festive season, the men that have contacted you during this time and the role they want to play in your future.

Pour yourself a glass of pinot noir or if you prefer something brown like my friend Don Draper here ...and let us begin.

*

I think there’s something to be said about the man who contacts you on Christmas, New Years Eve or the the very beginning of the new year.

Think about it…Christmas is about family, NYE is about finality and the beginning of January typically represents new beginnings. 

Would you contact your ex on any of these occasions? Ok let me rephrase that. Would you contact your ex on any of these occasions if alcohol wasn’t a factor?

My answer would be no and I’m a woman who loves to divulge the past. Why wouldn’t I? Because the new me doesn’t have time to play games with old flames. 

But it must mean something if a man goes out of his way to reconnect with you during this rather personal period.

It doesn't have to be on your doorstep with cards and a portable music player but a simple text message on NYE can mean more than you think.

He totally fucking loves her right!?

Ok. It might not be wedding bells just yet but I find it hard to believe that a man who chooses to reconnect on New Years Day just wants to say "hey".

And Jane isn't the only one...

Mr R and I hadn't spoken in months and this text message had totally taken me by surprise. For a man who didn't often communicate his feelings or reach out to me first, this gesture really was a Christmas miracle.

Now lady it’s time for you to give it a go. 

Who are the men that have contacted you in the last 2 weeks? (the time frame which covers the last 3 big events) 

Write them down if you’re really popular.

Now…

Who do you have left? for your sake I'm praying that it starts with 'Charlie' and ends with 'Hunnam'.

Reflection - Does this mean he's into me?

Whether we like it or not, when a man contacts us first it's hard not to ask ourselves the age old question "Is he into me?" or in my case "Is he still into me?".

After the in depth analysis above I think it's safe to say that if a man has contacted you during the slicing of the Xmas ham, as the ball dropped or at the beginning of a new year where last years lovers are often put to rest along with the mistletoe that he's pretty bloody into you.

And so the questions remains, although he may be keen as a bean to see you in 2015, do you want to give him a role in the next chapter of your life?

On NYE I pondered whether or not I should reply. Another year with a jet setting, hot, intelligent Mr R in my life?

Surely Mr P.S wouldn't mind...

New Year, New 'Diet' Mantra!

On January 1st all of the weekly glossy's are released with one common theme…

“Summer Detox” -Woman’s Weekly

“Half Their Size” -Who Magazine

“21 Day Bikini Body Plan” -Women’s Health

“Real Body Revolution” -OK Magazine

And every year I pick up a few copies along with a box of pain killers and a bottle of sparkling water to ease the pain of the notorious NYE hangover. 

For the next couple of days (once I even lasted a week) I follow the bikini body meal plan in the back of the mag, with the exception of lattes, left over candy canes and the occasional alcoholic beverage which is usually a gin & tonic – totes low in calories!

And then somewhere between Friday and Sunday my determination lapses and my little glossy bibles of motivation become merely placemats for my gin & tonic induced buttered chicken feasts. 

By mid January I’m saying “Who does a detox during silly season anyway!?” with a burrito in one hand and a Corona in the other.

“I’ll start February.”

When it comes to eating well and getting back into shape like most 20 something girls I am my own worse enemy.

I see pictures of Victorias Secret models and make a green juice then when quotes like ‘You only life once' roll up on my Instagram feed I’m the first person to eat a whole tub of ice cream.

But this year I’ve  got something that I hadn’t previously…The paleo diet.

I don't eat paleo because all the glossy mags are raving about it.

I don't eat paleo because I once dated a guy who was famous for it (come on Paige that claim to fame is getting old).

I eat paleo because recently I've discovered that you can lose weight and feel satisfied.

I’ve been paleo for the last 9 months now with the occasional faileo (that hiatus in Paris with the bread sticks and the fromages). 

Through trial and error I’ve discovered what works:

• Lean meats
• Brusel sprouts cooked the tasty way
• Clean chocolate
• And organic bacon.

And what doesn’t:

• Too much sweet potato (+2kg)
• Too much quinoa (hello 7 month pregnant belly)
• And bacon every day.

So now in 2015 the real task...

• Sticking to a paleo diet
• Exercising often
• Working a full time job
• And seeing real results.

If Jessica Beil and Megan fox can do it then so can I! If you want to join me in what I believe to be the easiest 'diet' on the planet well you can read up on Paleo here.

Let’s hit the new year head on together. Stay tuned for my 5 best places to eat paleo for cheap in Sydney.

Now here is some fitspiration in the form of Megan fox and Jessica Beil, bodies courtesy of Paleo and photos courtesy of Pinterest...

* drools and throws burrito on the ground *

Let's do this!

DIRTHOUSE FOR SALE

I've tried to write this post many times to no avail...

So for a moment I need you to pretend I'm that guy off Love Actually, standing at the door to your Dirthouse with picture cards and music.

Are you ready my twinkly eyed Keira Knightley? Let's go.

2014

Shhh Say it’s carol singers…

Remember Noosa boy? Life Lesson No. 1 You can indeed find Mc Dreamy in the small town you grew up in and Life Lesson No. 2 Men should never shave their chests.

The Dirthouse Queens finally visited Noosa to get 'loosa' and pose under my mother's Bali inspired cabana that every second woman in Noosa has. "Smile Sweeeeetiessss". 

Anddd Back to the city…

Ms P short for Ms Protractor moves into the Dirthouse. Like a bunch of 12 year old boys we instantly fall for her long blonde locks and stealth drunken antics.  

I manage to lose my only form of photo ID and as a result am forced to spend Valentines Day alone when my ex boyfriend cancels on me. HOB Trivia: Who’s more pathetic him or me? Him, him, him!

From part time blogger to full time #girlboss, I take on my first legit full time job at saucy lingerie brand, Maple HQ.

Ms L & Ms B announced their departure from the Dirthouse to travel around the world.

And I have small breakdown.

Discover that the Shangri-La solves all of life’s problems except for financial ones. 

POOF! 'The delicate Art of Dragoning a Man' was born

More life lessons of a career gal kind. Life Lesson No. 3 It's easy to lose 3 kgs when you first start a full time job & Life Lesson No. 4 It's Much easier to gain 5 kgs when you get comfortable in a full time job.

Spend close to a week's rent on a trendy juice cleanse...learn the hard way that 'Green 3' is code for mower grass clippings and purified dissatisfaction.

Revert back to drinking cocktails and eating multiple bar snacks.

Meet Mr P.S and inner monologue begins in my head “He’s so dangerous yet so delicious” “Let’s start planning your future with this man”.

See picture of the Dirthouse Queens in Paris, which makes me want to slide down the wall crying.

Roof falls in at the Dirthouse and Landlord puts half a pool fence across my balcony and DO NOT ENTER sign.

Decide instantly that this will not deter me.

Psycho killer breaks into the Dirthouse and threatens to kill us all (true story). Move out the next day.

Find a new house, move everything onto the street and watch people sift through our history. Have a quarter life crisis all in the span of 1 week. 

Flee the country on a direct flight to London.

Exhaust 10 years worth of annual leave trying to be Gary Pepper Girl or Tullula Vintage. 

Fail miserably and block the toilet in Saint Germain Des Pres with small yet powerful tampon. 

Somewhere between the Love Lock Bridge & the Louvre, Ms P sends me an email which reads “Dirthouse up for sale, pic of your room on the sign out the front.”

Cry in the line for the public toilets.

Short Italian getaway interlude…

Fly 24 hours back to Australia with broken TV and small baby next to me. Consider slipping quietly out the emergency exit. Remember that I still have 2 out of 4 things every girl wants in the city: a career & a handsome lover. But what is life without A Dirthouse and your Queens? 

We all arrive back in Sydney  at the same time and reunite in the Dirthouse one last time to sign the bond release form. And drink lots of cheap champagne.

Realise that after 3 years, a dozen dating horror stories between us, countless memories and 1 blog, that this is the end.

Spend the first night in my new, freshly painted secure apartment with Ms P. 

Have a Heaven on Bourke identity crisis and ask myself the question: If it’s not a food blog, fashion blog or an I’ve got a hot bod blog then what is it?

Well my dear reader...

It's a i'm-learning-how-to-do-this-thing-called-life blog with a touch of please-don't-let-this-be-another-bad-date blog and a whole lot of how-do-I-make-a-career-for-myself without the turning-into-a-bitch-and-forgetting-about-the-people-who-really-matter. 

Yes it's a work in progress but show me one 20-something gal in Sydney who isn't.

2014, I couldn't have done it without the mysterious Mr. P.S,

My magnificent muses...

And of course you.

What's on the menu for 2015? Who knows.

But universe if you can hear me, I'd like to put in a simple request for a web developer, an idea that will make me a million dollars and some more chest hair for the men of Australia.

I'd also like to lose 5 kg...for real this time.

Here's to the next chapter, whatever it may hold...

Paige xx